every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
