I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
