the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
