as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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