I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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