I cockslap morals
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize