used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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