she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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