I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
