using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His hands were made for my vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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