well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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