i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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