SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
