I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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