thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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