my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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