kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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