Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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