k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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