I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
