dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
