alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
