just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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