Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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