Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm too high and old for this...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
