i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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