youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just gift wrapped bread.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
