We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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