My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize