420 ftw
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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