grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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