I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
