Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
