You work out of a Hotel?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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