no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
