I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
