best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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