Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
