just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've blown a few things in my day
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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