I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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