So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
