just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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