Jerry, you need to find god
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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