No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
