Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
