i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize