I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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