9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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