I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
