Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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