If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
