Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
