ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
