Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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