End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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