My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
