I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
