Need sex. Gaining weight.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
