No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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