yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
