I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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