Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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