The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
