you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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