i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
